How I lost Evita

My only child Evita celebrated her 11th birthday two months ago. We had a very fun party at the house with friends and family on the Saturday before. On her actual birthday, my parents and I took her to a restaurant, waiters came out and sang to her with all the clapping they do, and she got a free dessert.

About 10 days later, my ex husband texted me asking if I was home. I was at work, but it was with a client who basically wants me to leave her alone- I sit in a designated spare room, and if she needs me she rings a bell. I texted back that I was at work- why? He responded that he needed to talk to me face to face. My heart sunk. The last time he said that, it was when he told me in 2009 that he wanted a divorce. I called him immediately and asked what was going on.

He stammered for a minute and said that he felt it was best for Evita if she came to live with him. He told me that he had already filed a motion for a modification of child custody and was going to register her for school in the district in his township.

I was silent. My daughter is my whole world. Since I was very young, I knew that all I wanted was to be a mom. She is a very outgoing, outspoken, intelligent little girl. I am so proud of her in every way.

I have also known for 9 years that this day would come. All I can say is that I’m glad it happened at an age where she can voice her opinions. (Which she does!) My ex husband’s mother and father divorced when he was 2, just as we divorced when Evita was 2. His mother lied to him his whole life and said that his dad wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. When my ex husband was 9, his mother and stepfather got married. My mother in law was also married to another guy in between, but my ex husband doesn’t remember him much.

When we first got married, I was trying to clean out a closet and found several letters from his real dad. They were dated over two year’s time when my ex would have been 6-8 years old. His dad begged and begged my mother in law to see him. He said his life was not complete without his son. There was so much desperation in these letters. I gave them to my ex when he got home from work that day. He just kind of chewed me out for going through his stuff and took the letters and wanted to be alone. Some months later, we drove 6 hours to meet his real father. He was remarried and had 4 daughters with his now wife. In fact, my ex husband got a baby sister (their youngest) for his 21st birthday and didn’t even know it.

My father in law later showed my ex documentation of all the child support he had paid to his mother over the years. We caught my mother in law in another lie. She also always said that he never paid child support.

I always feared that my ex would do me and Evita just like his mom did to his real dad. The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

He explained to me on the phone that night that living with my parents’ house was not a good environment for her. He also said that there was too much instability in my life, and living with him and his wife would give her stability. I didn’t verbalize it until just recently, but I do agree with that. My parents were always verbally and emotionally abusive. Living with them was not a good environment for me, either, but since they weren’t divorced, no one gave a damn. And yes, I had a lot of instability ever since graduating from college. Before college, I was always debt free. One job was enough, and I always had set hours. I didn’t have to work constantly to keep up with the financial mess that college had caused.

When my last lease was up at the apartment I’d lived in for 6 and a half years, my mom had been paying my rent for the past 5 or 6 months. We decided that Evita and I should move in with them so she wouldn’t have to do that. I don’t pay rent here, but everything I do around here to make up for that- that’s a whole different post.

Court was in July 11th. I did not go, but I did submit the proof of income that was requested, a letter from my psychiatrist that I was a fit mother, and a notarized letter from myself stating that I was in agreement with what was being asked in the petition- joint managing conservatorship with him making the decision about her primary residence and schooling. I get to see Evita every other weekend. On the non-weekend weeks, I have her Monday’s and Tuesday’s.

The custody arrangement took effect on the 27th of July, 2018.

Its what put me to my breaking point to make this blog and raise awareness about my situation. This is how I lost everything by going to college. The last thing to loose was my own flesh and blood, my most precious child.

I’m working 12 hours Saturday and 12 hours on Sunday with the same elderly woman, and I am picking her up Monday afternoon. I will then have to give her back Wednesday morning.

I love my daughter so much.